Intersectionality of a Convent School and Nepali Society
“I have realized the actual cost of my schooling. It was cheap because it came at the cost of other student’s well-being.”
When I was in class 3, I had seen one of my classmates at a dinner banquet. She was looking elegant in a pretty sky blue bodycon strap sleeve dress, as radiant as Elsa from the movie Frozen. The nine-year-old Astha judged her that day. The next day, I went to school and belittled her and the strap sleeve dress she was wearing at a party the night before. I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I realized this much later but never had the guts to apologize to you. I am really sorry.
We were definitely conditioned to think a certain way and ascribe to certain norms in St. Mary’s. For example, modesty is the greatest virtue of being a woman, our body is a temple and we should not let anyone in, etc, etc. Therefore, showing off your body parts other than your arms (below your shirt sleeves of course) and the two-inch gap between your skirt and socks would be equated to a rebellion. However, in my opinion, this does not paint the complete picture of the problem.
St. Mary’s and our other Nepali school institutions do not exist in a vacuum. The problem is much deeper. Schools are situated among larger social structures where homophobia, misogyny, sexism, classism, and casteism are the norm, and consideration of student’s mental well-being is non-existent because life outside the green gates and yellow walls of the school was no different. Most of us knew (knows) someone or who was (is) racist, sexist, homophobic, casteist, and classist in our own family and among people we know. People have judged us because of the length of our dresses, the length of our tops, and even the length of our hair. How can we forget the proportional relationship between the total surface area of our uncovered skin and people’s judgment? One of the most victorious moments of my life was when I wore a sleeveless top without an outer and a knee-length dress without stockings.
What can be done?
What can institutions do? First, the role of institutions, or the administrative body, is identifying the existence of the larger social structures that the school is part of. However, at present St. Mary’s is not even acknowledging this, which is quite disappointing.
Second, institutions should prioritize and mainstream conversations and workshops around topics such as one’s sex, gender and sexuality, caste, and class that sensitize teachers about such issues.
Third, institutions should equip students with enough knowledge so that the students can identify the wrong and the unjust, and voice their concerns. When students voice their concerns, the institution should show sensitivity, maintain confidentiality, and investigate the issues put forward by the students.
Fourth, institutions should be ready to hear positive criticisms about them. We criticize because we are obliged to. We still remember the verses of the school song and our duty.
“In the church of St. Mary’s we find comfort and light
To fight the good fight and to do what is right.”
What can the Alumni organizations do? Lead the conversation and talk to the administration. Amplify the concerns of the students. The institution might be able to successfully downplay the credibility of anonymous testimonies but it will have to engage in dialogues with their alumni body when they demand it. Most of the schools will have at least one alumni involved in the social sciences and would love to facilitate such critical conversations. Therefore, the alumni bodies should make such issues a priority and should engage with the school administration in bringing the changes. Alumni will be more than happy to assist in this process in any way possible.
What can the current students do? Firstly, I can congratulate you all for the extraordinary strength that you have shown by leading this conversation. Secondly, talk to each other and reach out to your seniors and alumni. Most of us are here and will be more than happy to be a part of such discussions and lead the conversations on various other platforms and spaces. But most importantly, support each other and be there for each other.
What can the alumni do? Reflect on your time at school. Engage in the conversation in any form. Just because the school was the best place for some of us does not mean that it could not have been the worst place for someone else. Furthermore, talk about the issues of casteism, homophobia, classism, and sexism in other spaces as well, with your friends, your peers, your co-workers, and your family, because these are embedded in the larger social structures. Manifestation of homophobia, misogyny, sexism, classism, and casteism can be seen in our day-to-day lives in many other forms as well.
What can the teachers do? Reflect. Acknowledge your bias. Work actively to eliminate it. You have the power to create impressions on thousands of young minds. Use it wisely. I have met wonderful teachers who shaped my life, who forced me to think, who pushed me harder to question the prevalent status quo, during my time at St. Mary’s for which I am really grateful, but I guess such teachers belong to the set of rarity rather than a norm.
What can others do? Introspect. Reflect and unlearn the tons of things that society has normalized.
The last couple of days were a ride. Being a silent spectator of all the unfolding of the testimonials around homophobia, misogyny, and body shaming coming out, I have realized the actual cost of my schooling. It was cheap because it came at the cost of other student’s well-being.
PS: I think a lot can be said about it from the intersectional lens of caste and class as well which is not my space. I hope someone carries this forward.
